Let Me Love You
by paulinha1304
Summary: Bella is tired of Edward not believing in the power of your love and not wanting to change her into a vampire.She knows it's only a matter of time before he leaves on behalf of the future that he thinks best for her.
1. Epiphany

BPOV

It was dawn and I was in the arms of my angel. One last night before his long journey of hunting with Jasper. He would get a week off and even while he was there with me, I felt my heart overwhelmed with pain and longing.

I could not contain my thoughts that if we were equal it would not have let me. I could be by your side on these trips, we could play like I always wanted, we could live together forever.

My 18th birthday was next week and I had a secret hope that with my age, Edward felt more comfortable with the idea of making me yours forever. Since he always claimed that I was too young to be sure of what I wanted for my life, words that always hurt me more than he could imagine. The fact that he had 107 years and can read people's minds, had made it extremely arrogant regarding the emotions and personalities who surrounded him. And since he could not read my mind, it was annoying how he downplayed my feelings for him.

I lived thinking of ways to make him understand the enormity of my love. But while I thought that if my actions day by day with him were not enough, nothing could do it. Since the truth was that I would rather die than be with anyone else. No drama or sentimentality, was the naked truth.

- What are you thinking? - Edward looked at me trying to read my mind through my eyes.

- As much I love you. - Nothing but the truth of my thoughts.

He touched my lips with his, in a chaste way that he always did. Enough to start the race from my heart and I forget to breathe.

Do not know if my thoughts were previous oppression to know that it would be one week away, the longing of the things I did not know if I ever would, but suddenly that kiss was very little. I climbed on his lap and started kissing him with all the hunger I had. The desire to consume it, to impregnate me with your smell, your taste.

Edward seemed shocked by my actions, he was always very clear with the limits of our physical relationship and that single space of seconds, I had disregarded all.

He gently grabbed my wrist, taking my hands that ran down her hair and pulled me out of his lap.

- Bella ... I thought it had been clear ... We can not, I can not ... I could kill you.

My face felt hot tears now flooding my eyes. I felt alone, lost, humiliated. I lowered my face, unable to respond.

- Bella? Why are you crying? - He sighed frustrated - I thought you understood ...

- You'll never turn me right? - I cut. I simply could not have this conversation again.

He turned his head not wanting to face my eyes, responding with a dark voice:

- No Bella, I will not! I will not condemn her to this life. I shall take your soul. You will marry someone who will make you happy, have children, grow old. That's gotta be, you know it.

So all the anger, frustration, fear, everything exploded inside me. How could he trivialize my love for him that way? He could really imagine myself in bed with another man that was not it? That's what he said to love me? What we were doing together then? Passing time until this hypothetical father of my children appeared in my life? Then the epiphany hit me like a brick wall. Edward would leave me. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow or next year, but at some point he would leave me so I could go to meet the future he had chosen for me.

Because it was so, he had chosen my future, without giving me a chance to opine, without considering my feelings or desires. On behalf of what he thought was right. Again he thought I was immature to make my own decisions.

I could not continue with that, I loved him with all my heart and I knew it would be the only man I could ever hope to have by my side. No man could kiss me again, to touch me again. I would never be anyone, although he did not believe it, my life was his. But I could not go by your side seeing my baby being despised, always living on the edge, waiting for the day he would simply disappear. I had to take the reins of my life. I would leave.

And now was the perfect time, he would be out for a week. I was doing 18 years and could officially live alone. Charlie would not be happy, not Renee, but I think they understand. I needed to be alone.

I took a deep breath, trying to hide the turmoil that went through my mind. I did not intend to tell my decisions for Edward, as I knew the day he resolved to leave me he would not be honest with me. He would go without an explanation or tell a lie, again minimizing the feelings we had for each other.

- Edward, please, go away. I need to be alone.

He looked scared reading my eyes for a long time. Something he saw must have left him really scared.

- Why Bella? What? Talk to me? - His voice was a whisper. He held me tightly, almost like I was disappearing in front of you.

Trying to contain the tears began to fall I said,

- Go to your trip, it's alright ... I just need to think.

- Thinking about what? No, I will not leave it there. Please forgive me, I did not want to be harsh or insensitive, I just need you to understand ...

- Edward I understand everything, more than you can imagine. Now please go! When you come back we can talk. - Saying those words hurt so much because I had already made my decision to be far away when he returned.

I had made my decision. I only needed to speak with Alice, because for the first time in my life, I would ask someone for help.

- Are you sure? I can stand, I can postpone the trip. Can I go after her birthday. I do not want to get away from you now. - I could feel the desperation in his voice. I think subconsciously he knew what was going on in my head.

- I'm sure Edward. I really want to be alone. Do not worry about me. You can ask Alice to come see me if this will make you calmer. Now please, you gotta go.

He stayed for a long time looking into my eyes, trying to see what I was hiding, trying to understand my emotions.

Then he led slowly, kissing my forehead:

- I love you Bella! Please never doubt it! I'll be thinking of you every second.

With that he walked to my window. Before he left for the night I replied:

- I love you too! Goodbye!

Wish I could tell you that anyone who doubted the strength of our love and it was not me.


	2. Decisions

EPOV

I left the house Bella with an immense sense of loss. I always felt incomplete when I needed to go hunting and leave it alone, but this time it was like something was disconnected.

His response, asking me to leave, scared me like hell. She had never asked to leave. Maybe I should come back ...

Because she needed to be so stubborn? She did not see who was the only option? I could never take the soul of an angel. She would be happy with someone who could really be on your side, not the monster I was.

I was doing it all for her. Was not he? After all she is only 17 years. What can she know of love and life? In my 107 years I've seen and heard so much.

It was only a human coming out of adolescence, could not love me like she said ... Could? Because she seemed so hurt today?

God, I loved her so much. More than anyone might think possible. I'd give anything for your happiness. And it was not what I was doing? After all I knew I would need to abdicate that love one day so she could find happiness with someone. That would not be sufficient proof of love? I could hardly imagine my Bella in the arms of another, without feeling excruciating pain in the chest, but would need a day ...

Something was wrong today, that feeling stayed with me through the night on the way to my house. I needed to see Alice, whether she had seen something, ask for it to keep an eye on Bella while I was out with Jasper.

I went home and found Jasper and Emmett playing video games in the classroom:

- Hello Jasper, where is Alice?

- She went for a quick hunt with Rose a few minutes ago. Asked to tell you to rest assured that she will take care of Bella. Ready to go face? What do you have? I feel your concern. - Jasper noted furrowing her eyebrows. - Bella's Hot? Did something happen?

- Okay with my sister? See there guy, take care of Bella, but you'll be seeing with your big brother here! - Emmet became extremely protective of Bella. To the great irritation of Rose, he really saw himself as his older brother.

I rolled my eyes, no patience for their games:

- Let's Jasper? The sooner we go before we can be back.

- Impatient brother? To return to the arms of his Bellinha? - Emmet uttered with a laugh. - Do not understand why you can not kiss her for real. What are you both doing?

After everything that happened tonight, this was almost the last straw. But Jasper felt my growing irritation and rushed out, trying to calm my mood killer.

- Edward Come, let's find a few mountain lions for you.

So we climbed into the Volvo in Northern California, where he had a reservation with a problem of overpopulation of mountain lions, Jasper asked me:

- Come on man, tell me what's worrying you. And Bella are you okay?

- We had a discussion today. - I sighed defeated. - I do not know ... When I left she seemed so far away, hurt. I should not have come off.

- And what was the reason for the fight? Same as always? - He asked already knowing the answer. Like the rest of the family, he knew that Bella was asking me with increasing frequency to be changed.

- And why else would it be? Why can not she understand? I just want her to be happy Jasper! Find someone, be happy, have children, everything I could ever give. I can not condemn her to this life, I can not take your soul! - When I finished talking was almost shouting.

- Oh Edward, you know how much I love, but honestly, sometimes you can be an arrogant and insensitive hypocrite! How can you do this to her? - He answered me and I was shocked by the anger in his voice. I was not prepared for it to explode.

- What?

- This speech took his soul is already bursting at the seams! - He was really angry as now.

- How so? Jasper is the truth, you know what we are! You better than anyone should understand. We are damned soulless monsters. - Answered me feeling frustrated, defeated.

Jasper raised his eyebrows and spoke with gravity:

- What do you think it is Edward? God? Since when your opinion becomes an absolute truth? And no, I do not agree with you, I do not think I'ma monster with no soul and mainly I do not think Alice, Emmett, Rose, Esme and Carlisle are soulless monsters. Now about you, maybe you're right, you can really be a monster, but not for the reason you think, but by what you're doing with it. Frankly I do not understand how she dumped you and you still would deserve. Hurting a girl like that. Neglecting their feelings, ignoring their will ... If finding the owner of the truth, thinking they have the right to decide the future of Bella. When did you become this arrogant bastard Edward?

I was too shocked to respond. Bela dropping me? She do that? Why? No, she could not leave me ... What I would do without her! I was hurting? Why? I loved her so much more than my own life. I hypocritical? But I just wish her happiness. Jasper noticed my confusion:

- Dude, you're too dense at times. You realize how absurd it is doing with that girl? Is concerned with a discussion, while always saying to her that she'll find someone who makes her happy, to be children of another man. Why do you care? That is not what you want? At some point you will leave her to find someone else right? When exactly do you want to end this relationship so that she can be with another?

I understand why the hypocritical. And he was absolutely right. Here I was desperate for Bella feel so distant from me, but continued with my idea that she grow old next to someone else. But it was so had to be, I just was not ready yet to leave her. Because nobody could understand it?

Jasper shook his head with a sigh:

- If you feel what I feel when you tell her that you will not have a future together ... She is truly broken man. Why you gotta be the one who makes decisions in this relationship? Love is a two-way street brother. Decisions have to be shared. I just hope it's not too late when you realize that. You know, the rest of the family almost wish that she leave you for what you have done with it. Everyone loves Bella too, even me. I'm sorry that can not be closer, what would you change if you change him. For someone who says he loves you and has caused so much damage. She loves you face when you will accept it and be happy? Leave your prejudices aside. This fixed idea of his "soulless monsters" is your thing, not an absolute truth. Do you love it?

- How can you ask that? She is my life!

- I know, I know! I can feel. Just ask you this so that you reconsider if your love is greater than your self-pity.

I could not understand where he was getting at. Of course I loved her, all I was doing was for her. As much as I kept repeating this to myself, I suddenly did not seem so sure.

Of course Jasper would not lose my hesitation.

- You are so determined to wallow in guilt for what you did in the past, killing those people who are willing to sacrifice the best thing that happened to you in a futile attempt to redeem himself. You think you give up on love, will make you feel less guilty? You keep saying you're doing it for her, but actually doing it for you! Everybody has seen it, even Bella ... And I think that's what hurts the most. Frankly, in her place I would have stuck my foot in your ass a long time.

Even though I did not need to breathe, suddenly I was having a difficult time breathing in the air with difficulty, on the verge of a panic attack. Would he be right? I would be so selfish as well? Hurting the person who mattered most to me in the world on behalf of my past mistakes? But she could not love me so, could it? She was just a teenager ... Eternity was a long time as she could be sure of me forever? Teens change their minds all the time.

- It's just a teenager Jasper ... She can not love me so ... - I said almost in a whisper. Trying to convince myself more than my brother.

He laughed and replied with sarcasm:

- And who are you Edward? A great expert in matters of the heart? It is his first love too. Regardless of how old you are, you are as inexperienced as she is about love. I feel the love she feels for you and I already told you this a million times, but you never want to hear me ... She loves you so much you love her.

Is it possible? Bella could love me as much as I loved her? I could leave behind all my fears and do it my mate? Could abandon my faults and fears? And if she repent? Becoming a vampire was a journey of no return ...

Jasper in a irritated tone continued:

- Look, I know you is not ready yet, not to make a decision now. Just do not close the door to that. Talk to her, explain how our lives as vampires, pros and cons. Act like an adult, as a relationship of truth. Mostly, listen to what she has to say. And please stop saying that she'll find someone else, have children with another. How would you feel if she were telling you to go with another, while she is in your arms?

My heart was suddenly broken. What was I doing with my angel. My brother was right, I was hurting so much. Just thinking about being with another woman, I felt sick. How could I suggest you have another? God, having children with another, have sex with another ... Actually I was a monster and not for the reasons I've always believed. That was how I made a decision. When I talk with Bella's return, we would mature the idea. Would explain everything ... And if I felt that this was really his will, maybe we could do that. She could be my companion for eternity.

That decision flooded me with relief and happiness. As if years of guilt and remorse have been taken from my shoulders. My Bella would be mine forever. My soul mate. A goofy smile was stamping it on my face.

Jasper laughed:

- At last! Is having some common sense. Do it man, let yourself be happy. You deserve it! And by God, stop pushing it away from you because it could be that at some point she'll listen. Do something before it is too late.

No! I could not miss Bella! I would not survive without it! Once again I travel I'd run to her and not leave never leave my side. I'd fix things and make you happy as she deserved. We would be happy! Forever!


	3. Plans

BPOV

So Edward went out the window, I felt the world crumbling around me. An empty lot taking the place of my heart. The darkness surrounding me.

I collapsed on my bed unable to continue holding back tears. I sank my face in the pillow to muffle the screams that wanted to get out of my chest, not wanting to wake Charlie amid the hysterics.

Half of me was dying at that moment. The half that for some time no longer belonged to me. The half that always belong to Edward.

Not five minutes had passed when I felt Alice's arms around me, hugging me with affection. I knew she was coming, I knew I had seen my decisions. But I do not even want to talk, could not. Needed to unburden my heart.

My best friend knew me well. She asked no questions and not forced me to speak. Hugged me, rubbing his hands on my back, whispering in my ear:

- Cry Bella does well ... Shhh ... I'm here, everything will be okay ... You're not alone.

After what seemed like hours, I calmed down enough that I needed to talk to her. She had not asked me anything, it was not necessary. She knew very well the reasons for the pain that had taken hold of me. The huge black hole that now existed where before there was a heart.

I took a deep breath:

- Alice, we need to talk ... - He said looking down, almost in a whisper.

- I know Bella. I'm here for you, I'll support any decision you make.

I looked away from her, feeling the hole in my chest become incredibly greater:

- You know what I decided is not it?

- Yes, I know. - She replied that I kept waiting.

I could still smell it on my skin, your skin on my marble. The taste of your lips on mine. Suddenly I could not breathe.

Alice hugged me:

- Breathe Bella ... Calm ... I'm here and not going anywhere. Take your time. Speak when you are ready. Everything will be fine.

I desperately wanted to believe it. She wanted to believe in my happy ending. But no happy ending that I could get would only be possible with Edward by my side. And not by my side in its conditions for a given time. I wanted the "happily ever after."

- I need to go Alice. Gotta get away from here. I need to find me. Lying here beside Edward knowing that our relationship has an expiration date, is killing me. I love both Alice ... Each time he tells me that I will be happy with another, it's like sticking a knife in my heart. I'm dying here ... I know he loves me, but I think the love he feels is not enough to fight for us. I do not want to wake up one day and discover that you all have been because he decided it was time to realize the future that he decided for me. I can not wait to put him our love down.

- Bella, Edward loves you more than it could be possible. He would die for you. The decisions he has taken has nothing to do with lack of love. You have to understand that he never expected to be happy, never felt worthy of being loved. He thinks he does not deserve to be happy. I know, he's an idiot and know how much you hurt when you push, but it is not bad. I honestly think he is doing what is right. I'm not defending him, but you have to understand that while he lived 107 years, it is still a teenager of 17, frightened and scared when it comes to love. He never loved anyone before and the first time he feels this is a love as strong as a tsunami. You just need to have patience ...

- I know all Alice. - The cut could not continue this conversation, would get us nowhere. I believed in the love of Edward, did not doubt that. I just thought that love would never be enough to overcome the walls of self-loathing that he had built around him. If our love would be enough for him to finally accept me as his equal, for eternity.

Alice was silent, she understood me. I knew what I was thinking.

- I want out of here. I want to see the world. I'm tired of being treated as a fragile thing. I want to be alone by myself. I need to grow ... We can continue living like this. If I wait until Edward forsake me, and yes, I know he will do it someday, I will not survive. I need to strengthen into a future without Edward.

- I understand Bella, I do. Besides, I think Edward needs it. Need to see how strong you are. You know, I can see that he is changing his mind. I can still see your future, now more clear than ever. You'll be together, you will be my sister forever.

- Please do not Alice! Do not do this to me, not now. Do not give me hope ... I do not want to be tied to a future that will not happen. I just want to be strong enough to survive alone.

- It's okay Bella, as you I told you once, do not bet against Alice. Now for that matter, what do you want?

I began to discuss internally. Asking for help was not something I was accustomed to, but I knew that Alice would understand:

- I thought I'd spend a few months traveling. I thought in Europe. There are so many places I want to see. Despite knowing that do not need permission from Charlie or Renee, after all I'm doing 18 years in a few days, I know I would kill for concern if they knew that I'm wandering alone in the world. So I thought that you have so many contacts, you could help me with a little lie ... Some distant school that had offered me a scholarship to finish school. Something that sounded like an irresistible offer. I understand if they can not, do not want to force Carlisle or Esme for me to lie ...

- Do not be silly, they will understand and I'm sure they will give you all support. But how is school? - Alice reassured me, the Cullens really were like a second family to me.

- When I'm ready to go back, I'll explain everything to Charlie ... Can I finish my studies then. Another thing Alice pulls I do not know how to ask this, I feel horrible ... I'll need some money ... I promise I'll return it as soon as possible, but there is no other way. I'm not able to go by myself and I need to leave here now ... Please, I know it's a horrible thing to ask, you do not owe me anything, I understand if you can not ...

Alice cut me off, laughing my panic attack. After all money has never meant much to the Cullens.

- Stop being silly Bella, we will not allow you to turn away otherwise. We will provide whatever is needed. When will you understand Bella, you're family! You just have to promise me you'll always be in touch, will let us know what is right.

I could not stop laughing:

- As if you were not to know ...

She suddenly became serious:

- You will talk to him before you go?

My dead heart broken, skipped a beat. The tears flow again:

- Not Alice. I could not leave if I saw you. I will leave a card though. Explaining everything, all my reasons. Do not want no lies between us. I hope one day I'm feeling the pain decreases enough that I can talk face to face with him again. But for now I can not. I just do not want to lose contact with you all. You know I think Carlisle and Esme as my parents and you, Jasper, Emmet, Rose even as brothers. This can never happen officially, but in my heart you already are family too, a long time.

Alice's eyes were full of tears, if possible. She looked at me with so much love.

- You also have my sister is Bella and you can not believe it now, but it will be official and much sooner than you think.

I did not want to listen to this thought, hope can be a dangerous thing.

- All right Alice, I do not want to talk about it now. I'll contact you, but I just do not tell him where I am. Can you tell I'm alright, do not want you worrying for nothing, but do not want to see him for some time. I need to heal first.

- Okay Bella, I will not force it, you're not ready yet. I'm going home now to organize things. I'll make a script for you, it will be an unforgettable journey, I guarantee. Charlie Do not worry, we will take care of him. I suppose you're wanting to leave as soon as possible?

She knew I wanted to leave before the return of Edward. I just nodded in silence.

She was suddenly excited, which could only mean one thing:

- So you know right? Tomorrow, you and me shopping! We need a wardrobe for your trip!

Gave a weak smile:

- Whatever you want sister ...

She hugged me again and before leaving he whispered in my ear:

- Everything will be fine Bella, believe me. You were meant to be together.

Once she left I let the darkness envelop me. I cried myself to sleep ...


	4. Say Goodbye

APOV

The days passed quickly after Bella make their decision. Smells were days of preparations, decisions were made and notified.

Carlisle and Esme were very saddened by his decision to leave but did not try to convince her otherwise and promptly supported it. They knew how Bella was hurting Edward with their beliefs and prejudices. They had hoped that with this distance, Edward realized their mistakes. Carlisle quickly volunteered to talk to Charlie, to corroborate the version of the scholarship, while I "fabricated" the necessary documentation.

Contrary to popular thought, Charlie and Renee did not raise many obstacles. Renee as always, just wanted his daughter's happiness. She knew how Bella was responsible and able to take care of itself. Charlie was even secretly happy, after asking for guarantees that Carlisle would not be accompanying Edward Bella. For him their relationship was very serious and he was afraid that her daughter repeat your mistakes, marrying too young. Then he saw everything as an opportunity to find out if Bella saw things he never had the opportunity or even the will. What we do not know is that he and Bella are much more alike than you think. Bella does not miss the things that has not seen or experienced. Bella was a very simple, well resolved. For her, just enough love for my brother. But with this love she wanted to be equality, partnership. And I could not agree more ...

Emmet was really upset, I go after Edward, kick his ass. He was very attached to her "little sister". The convinced that this was the best way to ensure the happy end of the two. By Rosalie behind his expression of boredom, hid the respect and admiration for the attitudes of Bella. She knew that Bella was not running or not running and also represented love less, quite the contrary, Bella was putting her love above all. While preserving the feeling was still nice and healthy. She just did not want Edward to paint with their dark colors.

Bella spent the week with a certain calm. It was very sad, cried a lot, spent hours writing his farewell letter, but seemed to have found some peace in your decision.

The day of the trip and I was driving to the Seattle airport, bound for their first stop: England. She would see the landscapes of his favorite books: London, small towns, rural estates, castles ... Edward would reach his hunting trip tonight. It was very early, the sun was beginning to leave. It was ironic to have a sunny day when she was just leaving. Bella loved the sun and never had a lot of these days around here. She had an emotional farewell to Charlie and then with my family, but I just wanted to take her to the airport. I know she was afraid of breaking in front of others, and its expression sitting next to me, was not far wrong.

- Bella, you are sure what you're doing? You can be, we can find another way ... Are you suffering so much.

She sighed, cleared his throat, I answered in a voice thick with emotion:

- I'm sure Alice. It is best, at least for now. I'm not saying I will not regret it later and run back home next week. And if that happens, I will not feel shame or denial. I'm tired of hiding my emotions. Yes, I can change my mind, but not because I am human, but because nothing is static ... People change, ideas change, the world changes. I'll let you know when I want to go back.

Bella was quiet again and I was wondering what she said. She seemed to have aged decades in recent days. His maturity and depth of his thoughts surprised me. It was true, everything was constantly changing and there was nothing wrong with that. This was to learn, evolve ...

I could only complete:

- The vampires also change Bella.

She smiled sadly:

- I know.

xxx

His flight was being called. The hugged tightly, ensuring once again that everything would be fine. She had handed me his letter, making me promise that I'd read so Edward arrived in front of the whole family. According to her for two reasons: One, nothing she was saying was secret, she always maintained her love for Edward for all, and two, she knew that Edward would need the support of family, he'd broken. Thinking to myself, I added another reason: need all the strength of Jasper, Emmett and Carlisle, to prevent him from running behind her without even giving a chance to hear the letter.

Bella came out of my arms with tears in his eyes, breathed deeply and went on towards herself ...

xxx

We were all tense, sitting in the room, awaiting for the return of Edward and Jasper. I felt really miss him, needed his calm. I could not tell about the plans for Bella, knowing the risk of Edward read something on your mind and come running, ruining the plans. They were just minutes away. I asked for everyone to block their minds, so that Edward did not escape chasing Bella, even before entering the house. Anyway, Emmet and Carlisle were prepared to pick you up if necessary. I could not help feeling sorry for my idiot brother. I saw your conversation with Jasper and knew he had been thinking a lot during your hunt. And he was slowly warming to the idea of having Bella as his companion for eternity. In my views, I could not help notice how much this small achievement had done happier. He seemed lighter, less curved shoulders, smiling more ... But the distance was still important, because more than accept it as a vampire, he must accept it as equal: intellectually and emotionally.

Bella has already called a few hours ago, stating that the flight had gone and was already installed in the hotel in London. The encouraged to go for a ride, make a recognition dinner somewhere nice. She said she was very tired and just wanted to take a shower and sleep, but that would make it the next day. I need not read your mind to know that for her to enjoy more of the script that I had done, nothing would have the same knowledge without Edward by his side.

Was lost in these thoughts when I heard Edward's Volvo pulled up. He flew home, oddly jovial and cheerful:

- Hello family! I take a bath and then find my Bella!

Jasper came running to me, involving me in your arms, I felt whole again. He soon felt the tension:

- What happened to Alice?

Before I answer, Carlisle said:

- Edward, wait! We need to talk!

He returned to room worried:

- Did something happen? Bella's Hot? She fell and got hurt? Contact Carlisle, what happened? You're making me worried.

Carlisle sighed:

- Calm down Edward, Bella is well!. But sit down, Alice wants to talk to you. Actually all of us.

Wanting to get this over with, I spoke at once:

- Edward, Bella is great! But she is not at home now.

- How well are not at home? She went out with Charlie? Went to La Push, which is why they are worried? I'll call her e. ..

- Not Edward, she is not in La Push. Actually it is not in Forks, and even in Washington. - The cut quickly.

- She went to Jacksonville? Something happened with Renee? Why do not you tell me? Why did not she tell me? I'll schedule my flight there, too, have to stay with her. - He replied already reaching for his cell phone.

- Edward stop! - I was angry. - It is not in Jacksonville.

He flew over me, shouting:

- Where is Bella, Alice?

Jasper quickly stepped between us, using all of your gift to calm him down:

- I'm sure if you let Alice talk, you will have the answers you want! But you need to calm down!

Only slightly reassured by the power Jasper, he sat on the couch:

- Come on Alice, I have no time for their games, where's my Bella?

- Well my brother, because you ask with such education think you can know.

With that, we all unblocked our minds and let him see what had happened in recent days. Meanwhile, I explained quickly to Jasper that can not fail to have a smile of pride in the attitude of Bella. Carlisle and Emmet had quickly seated next to Edward, not sure what would be your reaction.

But he tried to escape. And I almost wish it would ... He just collapsed. He had the face of a dead man:

- She left me ... - His voice was not more than a whisper. - My Bella is gone ...

I could not handle:

- Do not be dramatic Edward! Bella does not let you, you know very well!

He did not raise his head, only murmured:

- But she's gone ...

- It was not away! Just needed to get away for a while! She was very hurt with everything that was happening! Besides, you know that the guilt of all this is yours. You with this their stubbornness and ignorance. Boasts of having lived more than 100 years and seems to have learned nothing. You away!

- Alice Arrives! That will not help at all! - Carlisle cut me off. But I know that Edward could see in his mind that he agreed with me.

The rest of the family was waiting for the explosion of about Edward he is doing the best for Bella, about not steal your soul, about her being too young and immature. Everyone was baffled by what came out of his mouth:

- You're right Alice ... My God! Jasper was right ... Bella was right! I hurt so much and did not even realize ... What did I do? Turned away from the love of my life. Do not let her make her own decisions ... God ... I'm not even allowed to talk about it ... I am a mons ...

- Oh no ! - Rosalie shouted in exasperation. We all looked at her, since she had not uttered a single word about it since he knew the decision to Bella. - You will not start again! Before he was a monster because he is a vampire, will now say it is because of that monster did? You're an idiot! No, actually I think you have pleasure in suffering, his masochistic! Instead of wasting time and sorry for yourself, start thinking of a way to fix things. Bella will kick your ass if it continues forever. What woman wants a man who lives whimpering beside you?

Everyone looked shocked at her. After all she has never hidden his distaste for the will of Bella being a vampire.

- What! I do not agree with the decision to Bella, I think it is stupid to give up his life, even more so because of someone like Edward who can not even see the value of it. But that's what she wants and she makes Edward happy. I'm not related to an eternity of "I'm the monster! Do any of you handle it?

- No! - All we respond together.

Emmet embraced her affectionately. It represented so much to him that Rosalie had finally accepted as her sister Bella.

- Well, before we consider what to do, I have to read a letter that Bella left for us. - I said taking the envelope from his pocket. - She gave me instructions for me to read. And in front of everyone.

Edward looked forward to:

- So let's Alice! We need to know what my Bella said. We need to make plans!

Everyone laughed at his reaction and he can only draw a small smile. The decision to take Bella to fight by your side forever gave a new light. Even with the sadness of the distance, he seemed to have abandoned the self-pity that was always around her.

I began to read.


	5. The Letter

_My Father and Mother, My Brothers and Sisters, My Love and My Soul ... _

_I think there would be no better way to start this letter, rather than naming them than they are for me. Parts of my life, myself. _

_There are so many things I'd like to say so many things I should have said before, but was always so hard to express my emotions. _

_For you to begin to understand my thoughts and emotions at that moment, I need to go back in time. When I was a child just learning to cope with the world. _

_First of all I want to make clear the immense love I have for my biological parents. Charlie and Renee always loved me a lot. And more importantly than that, I know they always did the best they could eventually raise children does not come with an instruction manual. _

_But I must observe that the capacity to love, to express feelings, is also a learned behavior. And not let me lie, nothing better than the example I have in "home": Emmett and Rosalie, Jasper and Alice, Edward. Such wonderful people, each with its own way of love, only children whose parents could be so wonderful as Carlisle and Esme. _

_Renee has always been more a friend than a mother, mother at least in the traditional sense of the word. I always worried more about their emotions than she with mine. How could I prove my fears and insecurities, how could I live the irresponsible nature of adolescence, when she herself is still experiencing these feelings? So when I realized, was that it lay in my lap crying for their frustrations, while I consoled her. _

_Charlie is a different case, like me, with its difficulty in demonstrating what it feels, despite his immense heart, has his own demons to face. Today I realize that he lives stuck in the past, an eternal martyrdom of "What If ...". And if he had not let my mother go, and if he had gone behind her ... Questioning his decisions and at the same time feeling weak and inadequate. But I know he's not it, but also know he would never be happy if I left Forks, just as my mother would not have been happier if he had stayed. He really loved my mother, maybe even love. Just as she loved him too. _

_I understand all that, but still, I can not see the impact that a father who did not know how to embrace his own daughter, had on my personality. _

_I'm not trying to justify my failures and in no way blame them for something, I'm just stating a fact. Trying to explain why my self-esteem is so low at times, because this immense feeling of inadequacy. Not learned to receive love in the traditional way, the explicit and warm your family and know that on an unconscious level that ended up reflecting how if I was not worthy of that love. So excuse me if I end up seeing some actions as a form of rejection. _

_I do not know if I made clear enough or if they can understand me better. I still have not decided if necessary to stop therapy or just cool ... _

_So there are some things I'd like to say that my wonderful family. Sorry in advance for analysis and misplaced prejudices. Keep in mind that anything said here, is made with a heart full of love for all. _

_Firstly I would like to discuss the idea that so many of you have, the curse it is to be a vampire. And I will not talk of children, or soul, we'll discuss later. _

_As I have said many times, you have a wonderful family, who share an immense love. Be the love for your partner or just brotherly love, the love of father or mother's love. I honestly never met such loving parents as Carlisle or Esme. _

_You all have a "health" perfect. Health that allows them to hunt, have fun, if you love ... They have beauty and money. Frivolous reasons? Again I think that with so many years of living on the land, you can not ignore these factors as completely superfluous. Think of the pleasures they provide. The money allows the extravagances, the "toys" like cars, houses, clothes, etc.. The beauty makes them feel desirable for their companions. _

_Now I ask each of you will investigate and think about all the years I have lived and in many human families who had experienced the same. They were happy as you are. _

_There are bad times? Limitations? Of course yes! As for all. But when you weigh in the balance, which prevails, good or bad? _

_Now think a vast majority of humans who should have known. Human unhappy in love, marriage, disabled, families dissolved by addiction and violence. Lack of moral and ethical values. Thieves, murderers, rapists, terrorists. War and hunger. _

_Edward, you seem so convinced to keep my humanity on behalf of my happiness ... I do not know what world you live, but in mine, being human does not guarantee anything. Actually in my case, quite the contrary ... I'm not saying that being a vampire is better than humans or vice versa. I'm just saying what is important is to be happy, whether as a human or vampire. _

_That's why I admire both Esme, Emmet, Alice and Jasper. Never saw them for what they are torturing. They enjoy and are grateful for what they received. _

_Esme. In his humanity had an unhappy marriage, did not know love. He had a son he loved more than anything and that rewarded the suffering that went on. In losing his son had nothing. By becoming a vampire was the love of man and has five wonderful children who love her more than any human child could love his mother. She knows this and appreciates the achievement of the dream. _

_Emmet. His carefree attitude does not fool me about the greatness of his heart. He could be happy as a human? Sure, and it would not surprise me if they had had the accident with the bear, he was a human being as happy as it is today. But this only if he had found a love like he has had with Rosalie and health that he now has to embrace all that life has to offer. He knows this, so do not waste time wondering how it would be if it were human, because it can not be sure what would have been. But he knows that now, so thanks to life that was achieved and not what might have been. _

_Alice. My dear sister. Imagine how it must be hard to look at the past and can not see his life. This fact could be a cause for bitterness, but she prefers not to get stuck to what she knows. She, like Emmet, live what you have. Besides Alice, can you imagine if you were human without this wonderful gift that allows her to see the stock market and had no money for so much shopping? It's like almost all human beings live. I imagine that this thought gives you chills ... _

_Jasper. Maybe one for whom my admiration is greater. Because so much in his life and as a vampire, saw and experienced terrible things. Death and war. But despite all this, despite their daily struggle against the seat, he found the love of a "large" woman who loves him for who he is and never judged for what he did. Even as there is nothing to judge, nobody has the right to criticize another person without having lived and felt the same situations. And as this is not possible, the complaint and the trial are useless and frivolous. Jasper thanks for that as a vampire he had the opportunity to redeem himself, thanks for what has become. _

_For the others, and sorry for my thoughts, I think they are losing so much time ... Even for immortals, the loss of time with unnecessary feelings can be considered a sin. _

_Carlisle. The best person I ever knew. It has many qualities that would be impossible to name them all. But I also know who lives in search of redemption. That does not feel right to question the attitude often their children, because deep down thinks that none of them has asked you to be his father. Love them both, but am so afraid that they hate what they are. Like my biological father, you my father also has his own demons. And they somehow contributed to some questioning his happiness as vampires. How can they be entirely happy if your own father is not entirely happy to have them changed? You should be thankful for having provided the gift of life. No, life is not synonymous with a beating heart. Life is the ability to reach their potential. And that you gave everyone in your family. _

_Rosalie. My beautiful sister. I can not even want to think about the pain of what happened to you. I imagine the anger, frustration, betrayal ... I know that the most cursed in this life, is the inability to bear children. For those who want to be a mother, it must be something awful. So much for a vampire as for any human being who for whatever reason can not have children too. As you know, there are many who can not. Just do not understand what life as a vampire has to do with it. After all, if Carlisle had not changed him, you would not be a mother. You'd be dead. Betrayed by the one you always thought he would realize his dream. Many human couples when they can not have children, let this feeling love deteriorate. Marriages end, people become bitter. While others try to transform that feeling into something that can complete at least a little empty feeling. I imagine that for these couples, there is always some level of pain, but they do not let it destroy her happiness. Life as a vampire only brought you good things, brought the man you love. A love that you would not have known otherwise. As a human you would have died so young, no nothing. Without love, nor the children they so wanted and not her partner. You should be thankful for all that life allowed him to live as a vampire. _

_As far as I'm wasting my chance to have children, I think being a woman is not synonymous with maternal instincts. Have a reproductive organ that the principle can provide me being a mother, it makes an obvious choice for motherhood. Not because you can not have children I'm wasting my chance to not have. No one should realize their dreams through others. It is unfair to charge someone else, what can not accomplish. You had the dream of being a mother and it does not want it to be my dream too. Please respect my wishes. After all it is my body and my life. _

_If I want to have children? I honestly do not know. Never thought much about it. If I look at my Renee and my own childhood, I would say no. After never learned how to be a mother. After knowing Esme, I might say so, because from it I learned a new concept of family. Now this whole discussion is pointless, because before the desire to have children, I have the drawing of loving and being loved. Having a partner to share my life. Sons to me only as the result of a great love. I grew up without a family structure, not repeat it. And I have it? To think about having children I would have to think about not being with Edward, who would think that would be able to love another as I love him, would have to think of another man touching me. This is impossible, so for me the answer is clear: no, I do not think about having children. _

_Edward ... I left you last, both because it is so difficult to express my feelings for you, not knowing much about what I say, you really will listen. It's so hard you hear me ... Listen to the minds of others, for so many decades, you did so arrogant. You think you know my thoughts and feelings better than myself. Evaluates me by all the others listened. Not very fair is it? _

_Let's talk a little bit of your SOUL. Yes, soul with capital letters. All of you should know the following passage: _

_"Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I will be as sounding brass or tinkling cymbal like. _

_Although I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge: even though I have all faith, to move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. _

_And though I bestow all my goods among the poor and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, nothing like that will take advantage. _

_Love is patient, is kind, love is not jealous, not glories, is not puffed up, not driving inconvenient, not self-seeking, if not exasperated, no record of wrongs, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. _

_Love never fails. " _

_And you all know they are words of the Bible. Book about the greatest love of all. You like the rest of his family, is able to feel that love. Whether by his brother, his father, his mother, for me ... Really believe that would be able to follow lessons so simple but yet so difficult, if not have a soul? _

_I'll tell you about my theory about lions and lambs. See Edward, the lion kill the lamb for food. The survival of the fittest at the expense of the weak. And this is how it should be. The wise way that nature found to move forward with a single purpose, to generate and preserve increasingly essence. I do not think, and you also do not believe that the lions are the villains of the animal kingdom by doing so. May not be very popular among the sheep, but are definitely not wicked, vile, malevolent, or any other adjective you use to define their species. Lions kill lambs as part of his nature and not because they are bad. And the same force, whatever you believe in God, Evolution, which created one, it also created another. There is no better or worse, are just different. What I mean Edward, is that I believe that whatever created me (a clumsy human), also created you (the glorious vampire)! And if that higher power wants my happiness, also wants her. You're no better or worse than me, it's just different. And if you think of evil, yes I know there are many vampires that are really wicked, but just as many humans are often worse. And even among the lions and lambs must be the evil ... This idea that vampires are automatically bad is biased and shortsighted. And I am not even speaking from Carlisle, but even among those who hunt humans, we know that many are so good ... Hunting for them is not synonymous with evil, they are simply surviving, like the lions ... _

_By refusing to turn me, you deny my love, to trivialize my feelings, it disregards my will, my opinions. I'm not weak and inexperienced to be human, I am weak and inexperienced when you treat me so. Without the partnership, without equal. _

_No, I do not dream to be a vampire. My dream is to stay together as equals. You can not become human for me, but I can become a vampire for you. My family? Of course I'll miss them, but to distance themselves from parents is also part of the natural evolution of life. And I, as I have said many times that letter, I never had very strong ties with my parents, love them intensely, but I learned very early to be emotionally independent. _

_Do not think that comes from his refusal to love me less. I believe that as Carlisle, you are also looking for redemption in any way. Do not allow yourself to be happy, as a way to punish the lives he took. So when looking for divine forgiveness, sacrifices the happiness of all. Yours, mine and your entire family. Or do you think they are happy to see you all the time with a cloud over his head? _

_And that realization is what hurts me most. That your love for me was not enough to overcome the guilt. Love should be enough to clear the sky, to make the sun shine again for you. Being able to feel a love like this should be more than sufficient as a means of redemption. Unfortunately this is not what happens. _

_My decision to leave comes the epiphany I had. You wanted to leave me. Maybe not today, maybe not next month, or one or two years hence. But before long. Leave me for me to realize the future they chose for me. Regardless of my choices. You always said I would be a huge turning selfishness on your part ... Since you are foolish. There is more selfishness than deciding the life of another? And that's what you always did for me. _

_I know you must be thinking about how I'm immature, I am only 17 years, I know nothing of life, etc.. I will not waste time nor energy to reaffirm what we've been doing every day. Demonstrating for you and for all, how much is true and what I feel eternal. If you still have doubts that, then everything else is nonsense, and anything you write is useless. If the way we have always shown love is not enough to convince you, I can not do anything, because I know no different. _

_I left in an attempt to know me better, to strengthen me for a life without you. I know you would not care to have me getting old by your side would not mind that I thought that your mother or grandmother. But have you ever stopped to think about how I feel? No, I'd rather be alone today, getting every day of my life closer to death and more distant from you. While I am human so there are things we can not share. Whether in the physical aspect, is the day to day, as their hunting trips, among other things. _

_I could write more, but I hope it is enough for you to understand my actions. _

_I would love to be able to say that we will again meet and I can find peace enough to maybe be friends. But honestly, do not believe it. I can never just be her friend. Always be by your side will bring a taste of what could have been. And I do not want to be a bitter person. I'll try to live as best they can. Of course, I'll always have hope because there is nothing else, is the only thing that remains. _

_Give me some time. Do not call me, and please, do not come after me. However much we think otherwise, I'm not as fragile as well. I can never love someone, but at least I try to be strong enough to someday be able to teach other people that love is possible. That's what I intend to do, find a way to talk about the great love that I carry with me ... _

_Xxxxx _

_NA: In the next chapters we will see the impressions of each family member about the letter from Bella._


End file.
